Alternate routes
There are many more ways to live a life than what we see modeled around us. If you are struggling making it to your destination, here are other ways to get there.
Basic support
How to develop a side hustle
How to develop a side hustle
You can't heal if you can't eat. If you're struggling, don't let shame prevent you from covering your basic needs. While resources vary from state to state and city to city, here are some resources to connect you to services and how to use them.
How to develop a side hustle
How to develop a side hustle
How to develop a side hustle
A side hustle can provide extra income, but it can also develop self-confidence, and even become a marketable skill. Explore different kinds of side hustles and how to turn them into long-term income options.
learning to learn again
How to develop a side hustle
learning to learn again
Furthering your education or getting job training in a new field can be empowering and provide new opportunities to thrive. But learning after trauma can present challenges. Here are some trauma-informed methods to approach continuing education and some different educational paths to explore.
When you can't work
asking for accommodation
learning to learn again
Applying for disability is a long and frustrating process that can leave big gaps for trauma survivors to fall through. Here are some ways to support yourself through a crisis, including how to set up a crowd-funding campaign (like GoFundMe), how to sell unwanted belongings on eBay or Craigslist, and how to ask friends and relatives for help.
asking for accommodation
asking for accommodation
asking for accommodation
Going back to work after trauma can be daunting, and many workplaces do not accommodate invisible disabilities. If you love your job or have an empathetic employer, here is how to request accommodation to help you ease back into work.
Going it alone
asking for accommodation
asking for accommodation
Some of us are too different to assimilate into an unaccommodated workplace. For those of us with visible neurodivergence, trauma can exaggerate existing differences and leave us unemployable. Here are some avenues to self-employment and how to survive being your own boss.
Basic Support
Basic Support
Applying for public assistance can be a humiliating experience, especially if you struggle with asking for help. If you've left an abusive relationship or toxic living situation and need help with food and housing, your options largely depend on what part of the country you're in. Services vary from state to state and town to town. Start by contacting the Department of Health and Human Services in your area.
TANF Grants: Temprary Assistance for Needy Families grants are monthly payments that are available to low-income families with children. Use this map to find out what is available in your state.
Food Assistance (SNAP): The Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program helps low-income families with food and groceries. Formerly called "food stamps," this can help keep your fridge stocked when you're struggling. Each state has a different application, which you can find here.
Child Care: If you need someone to watch your children so you can work and you are low-income, you may be eligible for child care. See what's available in your state.
Health Care: Many community healthcare centers have people who can help you apply for Medicaid and connect with other services in your area. Find a community healthcare center near you.
start a side hustle
Start A Side Hustle
A side hustle is a stream of income that usually isn't enough to live on by itself, but can supplement another source or combine multiple side hustles to get by.
Get Crafty
If you like to make stuff, there's a place to sell it. Online craft markets like Etsy or Amazon Handmade already boast huge online audiences and provide the platform for you to post your work. Browse similar products to get an idea of current trends and typical pricing ranges. Practice your craft and work on developing a trademark style or design that will make your work stand out. Ideas for products: beaded, tassle or feather earrings; wire-wrapped shell, stone or beachglass pendants; beaded zipper pulls; knitted hats/blankets; craft kits; painted or decoupage boxes or rocks; birdfeeders/houses; tie-dyed shirts and beanies; funky accessories and clothing or decorations with esoteric pop-culture references. If you can make it, someone will probably buy it.
Get Handy
If you're looking for something less creative and more constructive, there are all kinds of odd jobs that people are willing to pay you for, from weeding gardens and shoveling snow to assembling furniture and walking dogs. If you have specific skills or services you can market, make a listing on Craigslist with your services and rates. Or check out the postings for odd jobs on TaskRabbit, Fiverr or Amazon's Mechanical Turk.
Get Personal
If you'd prefer to market your physical attributes or personality, you can start an Only Fans account (it doesn't have to be sexy!) or YouTube channel and show off what makes you special. Only Fans lets individual people subscribe to see your stuff, while YouTube will start allowing you to monetize your videos once you reach a target audience size (1,000 subscribers).
Get Busy
Get Creative
Have an idea for a novel or other creative project but need help completing it? You can start a Patreon, Kickstarter, or Indiegogo campaign to fund it.
learning to learn
Learn To Learn Again
If you grew up neurodivergent and lost time in an abusive relationship or toxic home environment, you may have missed out on academic opportunities or have built up anxiety around learning certain subjects. Luckily, there are many more avenues to education now than ever before. It's never too late to learn about something you've been curious about or to develop a skill you've wanted to master. If you learn something marketable or valuable, it may even help you find opportunities or open new doors. Remember to be patient with yourself. Trauma impacts our brains in many ways that we still don't understand, from our working memory to our ability to focus. You may need to adjust your standards and learn to forgive yourself if you fail at first. It's ok to start over as many times as you need to. It's ok to quit and try something else. Try to approach education as a journey to a destination you havent chosen yet, and let the process guide you.
Community College: Less expensive than most universities, community colleges are usually smaller and offer 2 year degrees. Take courses for fun in things you're curious about like ceramics, philosophy or creative writing. Or study something more career-focused, like accounting or business. Here's a helpful resource to look up community colleges by state.
Trade school: This is where you'll want to look for getting certified in specific trades like automotive repair, hair styling, nursing, dental hygienist, welding and culinary arts (among many others).
Online Universities: You can get undergraduate or graduate degrees in online colleges and universities in things like business, education, computer science and other 4-year college degrees, and do it remotely. This was an essential feature for me as a new mom, and makes higher education more accessible for many of us with disabilites. Online universities can be cheaper than traditional universities and can provide rigorous, quality education (if you weed out the diploma mills). Here's a list of the top accredited online schools in the us.
Autodidact U: If you can't afford any kind of school or prefer to learn at your own pace, there is an abundance of free online information presented in accessible formats. A site that helped me immensely was Khan Academy, which offers free courses in STEAM topics from grade school through university level, economics, computing, and even life skills divided up into short units with video tutorials and practice problems that helped reinforce concepts. It's free to use and user-friendly to navigate. Wikipedia is a great place to fall into rabbit holes that can help you discover new fields of interest. Thrift stores like Goodwill often carry used textbooks and test study guides (for SAT, GRE, etc) for a buck or two apiece.
Tutors: When you return to school as a neurodivergent adult after trauma, you are likely to need some form of accommodation. You may experience anxiety or experience triggers of past traumatic school experiences. Hiring or enlisting the help of a volunteer tutor can help provide support in specific subject areas (especially ones you've struggled in), or support your study and test prep habits, can help you build your confidence as you heal and learn. Check out your local colleges, Craigslist or tutoring sites like Wyzant for tutors in your area.
When You can't work
When you can't work
Experiencing major trauma can cause damage in the brain as debilitating as major trauma to the body, and yet it doesn't receive nearly the same compassion or consideration when it's time to heal. Sometimes a crisis will prevent you from doing anything but survive. If you can't work but still need to pay bills, here are some suggestions.
Applying for Disability
Applying for disability through the US government is a notoriously tedious, frustrating and drawn-out process. It can take years to get approved, and many applicants experience at least one denial along the way. To be approved, you'll need to prove that your condition is preventing you from working and that it will last at least 12 months. PTSD, Depression, Anxiety and Bipolar Disorder are some of the neurodvierse conditions that may automatically qualify as a disability. Find a list of conditions that qualify as disabilities here. Disability income is often too little to live on, but can help you survive periods of crisis or healing after trauma.
Crisis CrowdFunding
If you have a big bill coming up like a rent payment or medical bill and you need a lump sum ASAP, you can start a GoFundMe or other crowfunded campaign to help you cover it. If you've never done one before, you may be surprised how quickly a group of family and friends can help you overcome a crisis by each chipping in $20. Be sure to thank each donor and be clear on how you will use the money.
Sell Some Junk
Clean out some clutter and make some cash by selling old household goods, clothes or furniture. eBay is a great place to sell anything you can mail (especially antiques, collectibles or toys) and Craigslist or Facebook Marketplace are good for selling furniture, vehicles and outdoor stuff.
Ask for help
If you have friends or relatives who are doing well and you're really struggling, it's ok to reach out and ask if they are able to provide you with a short or long-term loan. They can't help you if they don't know you need it. But be gracious no matter what the answer is. Don't get angry if they can't (or won't) help you financially. If they can help, show your gratitude. Make repaying them a priority when you start getting income again. Don't forget who helped you, and find ways to help them back.
Asking for accommodation
Asking for accommodation
Many of us must mask, or hide our neurodivergence, in order to maintain employment. Bias against neurodivergence and mental illness is widespread and insidious. Discrimination based on invisible disabilities is nearly impossible to prove and many employers take advantage of the stigma around it to refuse to accommodate them. So asking for accommodation when you are having a mental health crisis can be stressful and even career-threatening.
Before speaking to your supervisor about accommodation, read your hiring paperwork and research your rights. If you have personal leave or sick days, use them. If you have a good relationship with your boss, speak with them about what you're going through as far as you're comfortable. You don't have to share your diagnosis or medications. Try to be specific about the accommodations you'll need, so spend some time thinking about what you need to succeed at your job. Do you need time off to heal or attend therapy appointments? You you need a service animal or an adjustment in deadlines or responsibilities? Is it a reasonable accommodation that your employer can make? Have answers to these questions when you speak to your employer and remember, if you don't speak up for your needs to succeed, nobody else will. And without support, you're less likely to succeed, which benefits no one. So advocate for yourself. Be a squeaky wheel. But also speak to what you contribute or add to your company or organization. Remind them why they hired you and how supporting you will help you bring more to the team.
There needs to be more advocacy towards enforcing the rights of neurodivergent disabled workers, who are disproportionately unemployed, despite an abundance of advanced degrees and valuable skills. Our differences are not tolerated by many neurotypical employers, and those of us who cannot or will not mask convincingly disproportionately wind up unemployed, unhoused, and marginalized. There is such discriminatory bias against neurodivergence and mental illness that few lawyers will bother pursuing cases or lawsuits in which the victim is neurodivergent or mentally ill, because we are automatically considered unreliable witnesses, even to our own experience. Our word is considered moot. Our emotions are considered invalidating, and rather than considered evidence of trauma, they are dismissed as proof of our irrelevance or bursts of delusional hysteria. We aren't believed and we lose the benefit of the doubt. We are assumed to be potentially violent and treated like malevolent children. And if we're victimized or discriminated against, it's assumed to be our own faults for being different (as if we have a choice), and we're blamed for what befalls us.
Perhaps someday the world will be a more friendly and accepting place for people whose brains process information differently than the rest. Until then, those of us at the front lines will suffer the brunt of the injustice.
Going it Alone
Going It Alone
Sometimes, trauma changes us. If we had social or communication differences before, they may be even bigger after. We may need years to heal, and we may never find an opportunity that we can succeed at. But there are a lot of ways to support yourself; they just require you to be your own boss (and even self-employed people complain about the bitch in charge sometimes).
Starting a Small business
What are you good at? Whatever it is, you can build a business around it. There are grants available for different businesses, industries, and regions. Search for grants in your state, or contact your local credit union to see you qualify for a line of credit to get your business off the ground. Most new businesses don't turn a profit until the second year (or longer) but some small businesses can become profitable enough to live on with dedication and luck.
Getting a Business License
Depending on which state you live in, you may be able to start your business without needing to buy a license until you start making a profit. Business licenses can range $100-200 (again depending on your state). Head to your state's government division of licensing to find out details about requirements and costs. The simplest kind of business is a sole proprietorship, which you own as an individual, and can include your business taxes as a schedule C with your personal taxes. As your business grows you may want to research incorporation or go into partnership with someone, but if it's growing, you'll be able to pay an accountant or professional to help you with next steps. You can also educate yourself by researching books and articles about small business startups, particularly in your industry or specialty.
Getting online
A critical aspect of marketing your business will be online, so you'll want a website and solid social media presence, and possibly a newsletter, catalog, app or email list. Websites are simple to build yourself these days; I bought my first domain at 40 and figured out how to build it through GoDaddy's website builder interface. Setting up social media accounts is simple as well, but you'll want to focus on the platform that has the bulk of your target audience. If you're a visual artist for example, you'll want Pinterest and Instagram. Writers flock to Twitter, Food Trucks find success on Facebook, business and real estate professionals network on LinkedIn. Look up what your competitors (if you have any) are using and design (or hire someone to design) some attractive graphics that communicates your service or products. Encourage satisfied customers to leave positive reviews online, which will increase your "value" to the bots and algorithms that determine search results. Donate some of your products or services to local events, raffles or organizations to show you value your community while you demonstrate your work.
Selling at fairs and festivals
If you sell a physical product or service, a great way to encounter thousands of people over a weekend is to rent a booth at a local fair, festival or tradeshow. You'll need folding tables (sometimes these are available for rent through the venue), display equipment, good lighting and clear signage so plan on investing at least a couple hundred dollars on equipment, but you'll be able to reuse your display stuff at every fair and deduct it as a business expense from whatever profits you earn. Also keep track of miles driven to and from events, lodging and food expenses if you travel for them, and travel costs, as they can all be deducted (as long as they are all business-related). You may also find other vendors who are willing to barter goods or services with you, a great way to get luxuries or holiday gifts when you don't have much (or any) disposable income.
Promote the heck out of Yourself
If you're a trauma survivor, you may experience new or worsened social anxiety, which can make networking unappealing or impossible. But there are other ways to get the name of your new business out there, which is how you'll get clients or customers.
Get business cards and other promotional gear printed for your new business at Vistaprint for reasonable rates. (They don't sponsor me or anything, I'm just happy with their quality and it's affordable). Make sure all your friends and family get a card or two and ask them to help advertise your business by sharing them or leaving them on public bulletin boards (grocery stores, coffeeshops, diners and libraries often have them). Get some stickers or magnets made up and give them to customers or potential clients. Make a goofy commercial and post it on TikTok or YouTube with all the appropriate hastags. Sponsor a local school's sports team. Put your money (and name) where your values are.